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:iconroselynedwards:
Brief summary, this was definitely very original overall, the words were unique as was the theme, although I wish you would've expounded more upon the feelings going on here, the whole setting seemed rather distant and unemotionally attached and emotions are how I relate to things, but it is different for every person so another person may think this poem has more of an impact than it did to me.
This poem really made me think, although some people may have a hard time getting it

In the beginning stanza i was confused as to what was happening ..
and a lot of this poem was very vague...
And now I see the power the vagueness does to this poem it really makes you think so you display excellent technique.
The poem is very raw simple, and at the same time complex, brilliant!

My favorite part was

opportunity
flows closer

and I buy it
a glass of wine

soooo brilliant, this abstraction!
The Artist thought this was FAIR
3 out of 3 deviants thought this was fair.

Comments


:iconenigmaticsmile:
enigmaticsmile Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! I try to let the images speak for themselves, which is why it may seem a bit vague. But that tells me that even if I know what the images mean, it doesn't mean everyone else will.

I write free verse specifically because I believe in the power of imagery. I like what I can say without directly saying it.

I appreciate you taking the time to do a critique. I cannot thank you enough.
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:iconroselynedwards:
roselynedwards Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Student Writer
Yea, I guess it just took a little getting used to the vagueness that is, i'm used to all the deviants spelling everything out which actually results in a more boring less mystical less interesting poem so i really like what you've done here even though I bulked at first as it made me think harder lol
no problem! :)
It was the first critique that i've done :O
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:iconenigmaticsmile:
enigmaticsmile Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Well, thanks for trying out your critique skills on me!

The idea behind the 'vagueness' is that I need to give you the essential details, but the other details (such as the room, the location, time of day, sounds in the room, etc) are for you to fill in with your imagination so that you relate to it better. Maybe you think they're in a restaurant, maybe you think they'r at a club, and maybe you think they're in a ballroom. It doesn't matter, as long as you relate to the setting and then get the images/feelings that I focused on.
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:iconroselynedwards:
roselynedwards Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Student Writer
Mhm, like I said at first I was doubtful but the more I read, I realized it's brilliance! :)
A good lesson to me as I am a poet as well :)
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