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Behind this mask
Is the real
Not the fake

Behind this mask
Hides the ugly
And the hate

Behind this mask
Not a smile
Nor a laugh

Behind this mask
No charming word
No loving act

Behind this mask
A hurting soul
All tears flow

Behind this mask
Sometimes
We all go
Literature type: Free Verse
Status: Rough Draft
Poem Written by: © Roselyn Edwards

Does it flow? Is it to short? What do you think? All opinions will be greatly appreciated and properly rewarded :)
Add a Comment:
 
:iconsupergirlswag:
SuperGirlSwag Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh how much I love Mask related poems! Amazing!
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:iconroselynedwards:
roselynedwards Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2013  Student Writer
hahah me too!! Anything to do with masks is just awesome I like mysterious conceptual photos with masks
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:iconsquibblyquill:
squibblyquill Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2012
It flows and the flow might work a touch differently with "All tears flow" instead of "all tears do flow"
Reply
:iconroselynedwards:
roselynedwards Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you excellent advice!! :) You deserve credit:)
Reply
:iconsquibblyquill:
squibblyquill Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2012
aw that's nice of you to say! Keep up the great work. :D
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:iconroselynedwards:
roselynedwards Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you! :)
Reply
:iconzucus:
Zucus Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
the picture and the poem is beutiful i love it
Reply
:iconroselynedwards:
roselynedwards Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you unfortunately the picture isn't my work but the work of a another amazing artist :) I did write the poem and i'm glad you like it! :)
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:iconmokira:
mokira Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2012
beautiful drawing, beautiful poem, although, I must disagree with these lines:

"Behind this mask
Is the real
Not the fake".

because all our masks are the most realest things in our personalities (very often, you are wearing them and changing them unconsciously). and that's who human really is. that's why human is so inspiring, intriguing and beautiful.

sorry, my English is poor, but I know that You'll understand what I meant.
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:iconroselynedwards:
roselynedwards Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2012  Student Writer
Excellent point you make! I guess it's a matter of opinion you are describing the mask as being exquisite while my poem is looking rather at the less remarkable things of not being a person who is open.
Behind the mask is essentially talking about a person who is afraid to be show their true self and fears that vulnerable state I think this fear is dealt with by many people at different levels.

Anyways, two different views. I encourage you to write something expressing yours it would be great !
You're english was fine i understood :)
Reply
:iconmokira:
mokira Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012
oh. you didn't have to explain, i understood the content of this poem. i just think about masks differently - under the mask is another mask (it's my mere opinion)

anyway the poem is good :blackrose:
Reply
:iconroselynedwards:
roselynedwards Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012  Student Writer
Okay well again thank you for your opinion I'm glad my poem made you think. :)
Reply
:iconkewlstacey220:
kewlstacey220 Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
BEAUTIFUL!
Reply
:iconroselynedwards:
roselynedwards Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2012  Student Writer
<3 thanks
Reply
:iconredheadedshedevil:
redheadedshedevil Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
very nice just right length nice flow to verses
Reply
:iconroselynedwards:
roselynedwards Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2012  Student Writer
Yay! thank you so much!
Reply
:iconredheadedshedevil:
redheadedshedevil Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
great poem i loved it
Reply
:iconitaliaemo:
ItaliaEmo Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
While I enjoy the original idea, I can't say that I enjoy the complete lack of punctuation. The lack of a single comma or period make this poem seem sloppy, seeing as there seems to be no literary intent or further meaning gained behind doing so. On top of that, your rhythm is left unchecked; you should keep in mind that poems are to be read like anything else. With this poem the way it is, each line sloppily falls upon the next regardless of the fact that you probably intended for more dramatic moments before each new stanza.

On another note, your use of diction does little to seperate this poem from any other subpar work that I've ever read; not that I'm asking you to make it superfluous and airy, but simply to spice your word-choice up a bit.

The second to last stanza needs the most work. The 2nd and 3rd lines seem choppy and don't really seem to flow.

To be honest, I don't think that I really like the frame that you used for this poem as well. You've moved your writing down the page without saying much of anything at all. You have before you an immense idea relating to the concept of self-identity, yet you've done nothing more than cut skin deep.

Best of wishes with your future writing endeavours. (:
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:iconroselynedwards:
roselynedwards Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2012  Student Writer
I will see what I can do about punctuation thank you for the advice.
I will try to expand the idea and see how it goes. Originally my intentions however were to make this piece very simple and I see I have achieved just that now as to whether I decide to expand its simplicity I do not know I may write a more complex entirely different piece addressing the concept more in-depth. Thank you again for the criticism I learn so much from it! :)
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:iconsquibblyquill:
squibblyquill Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2012
I like lack of punctuation in these things. I see punctuation as an option and a space for deliberate reconstruction, omission and emphasis.
Reply
:iconitaliaemo:
ItaliaEmo Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm happy that you've appreciated the criticism. (:
Reply
:iconbethanyyjoelle:
BethanyyJoelle Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012  Student Writer
I think the rhyme is perfect- strong enough to be noticed, but subtle enough so it's not distracting.
The imagery and emotions in this piece are very powerful
And I love the end. It's a perfect wrap up to it
I love this. It conveys the message perfectly with the right diction, syntax, and length <3
Reply
:iconroselynedwards:
roselynedwards Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2012  Student Writer
<3333 Thank you so much for the encouraging words they mean a lot ! I am a bit more of the down trodden sort and positive word especially on my favorite work is like eating chocolates that's how happy it makes me lol again thank you :D I am so happy you liked it
Reply
:iconbethanyyjoelle:
BethanyyJoelle Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012  Student Writer
xD great metaphor. I'm glad you're so happy :]
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:iconfun-dipp:
Fun-Dipp Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is beautiful. XD
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:iconroselynedwards:
roselynedwards Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you !!:) but why the laughing face? :P
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:iconfun-dipp:
Fun-Dipp Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Welcome! And uhm, cause I.. wanted.. to. XD
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:iconroselynedwards:
roselynedwards Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2012  Student Writer
XD touche
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:iconfun-dipp:
Fun-Dipp Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
XD I believe it's pronounced too-she. XD (JKJK)
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:icono2sphynxo2:
o2sphynxo2 Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
how is your peice coming on?
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:iconroselynedwards:
roselynedwards Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012  Student Writer
I have finished the rough draft and posted it :D
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:icono2sphynxo2:
o2sphynxo2 Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
ok ill have a look in a sec
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:iconroselynedwards:
roselynedwards Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012  Student Writer
thanks :)
Reply
:icono2sphynxo2:
o2sphynxo2 Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
i love that peice i hide behind a mask a lot so i can interact with this peice if interact is even the right word
Reply
:iconroselynedwards:
roselynedwards Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012  Student Writer
:) Yes as do I and everybody I know I think everyone is guilty of hiding behind masks. I wrote this as a reminder to myself to not hide behind that mask and be real no matter what.
Lol. interact works or you could go with relate lol
Anyways, i can't thank you enough for taking interest and reading it I am grateful to you entirely!
Reply
:icono2sphynxo2:
o2sphynxo2 Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
you are completly welcome it has made my day :)
Reply
:iconroselynedwards:
roselynedwards Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012  Student Writer
No you have made my day! Once I have finished the piece I am working on now I will have to engross myself in your poems as well :)
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:icono2sphynxo2:
o2sphynxo2 Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
thankyou let me know when u have finished the peice and are u putting up on here?
Reply
:iconroselynedwards:
roselynedwards Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012  Student Writer
I haven't decided yet I may just trash this piece so far I'm not happy with it lol
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:icono2sphynxo2:
o2sphynxo2 Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
never throw away work u can always rebuild it :)
Reply
:iconroselynedwards:
roselynedwards Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012  Student Writer
this is true :D
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconthecorpsehaspetals:
TheCorpseHasPetals Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012  Student General Artist
This made me smile in a sad way. Not sure if it talks about you, or everyone, or humanity in general; in fact I interpret it as being life in a whole, but that is just my opinion.
Reply
:iconroselynedwards:
roselynedwards Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012  Student Writer
It talks about whatever you want it to, whatever it means to you is what is important; the original context is of little consequence. Your interpretation is exactly what I had in mind I'm glad you see it the same way as me :D Thank you for commenting and reading i am always elated to hear peoples opinions :)
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:iconthecorpsehaspetals:
TheCorpseHasPetals Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012  Student General Artist
You're welcome. I appreciate to hear feedback on my own work as well. So it is common courtesy to do the same. Plus I like to let you know I enjoyed it and why.
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:iconroselynedwards:
roselynedwards Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012  Student Writer
Yes, I am of the same mind :)
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:iconthecorpsehaspetals:
TheCorpseHasPetals Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012  Student General Artist
:nod:
Reply
:iconroselynedwards:
roselynedwards Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012  Student Writer
:w00t!:
Reply
:iconlovelesscrosseria:
LovelessCrosseria Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012  Hobbyist
I think it is great:D
Reply
:iconroselynedwards:
roselynedwards Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012  Student Writer
Thanks, do you think it might be too simple? What do you think about it rhythm?
Reply
:iconlovelesscrosseria:
LovelessCrosseria Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012  Hobbyist
Iøm not good at finding out the technical things in poems.
But to me the rythem seems fine.
Though it is simple I don't think that is bad, sometimes simple things are good to express feelings, complicated things. So to me I don't think it is too simple.
As I said earlier I really like this one, cause though it is simple it describes really well the nature of humans, or that is at least what I think, tell me if you think I'm wrong
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